And So it Begins...

It's official. In a few days Charles Manson and other convicted murderers/general crazy people will receive my personal, handwritten questionnaires. And here's proof! (note typos are totally part of the act definitely not at all because pens don't have spell check)

List of people I wrote to:

Charles Manson

Ted Kaczynski

OJ Simpson

Mark David Chapman

Phil Spector

Scott Peterson

David Berkowitz

Dennis Lynn Rader

Richard Ramirez

Gary Ridgway

Lee Boyd Malvo

Sirhan, Sirhan Bishara

John Hinckley Jr

Fred and Shirley Phelps

Bernie Madoff

Rob Blagojevich

Wesley Snipes

Transcript of my Parkinson's esque handwriting:

Dear Mr. Manson,
May name is Jimmy. I have a few questions I would like to ask you and I'd be really happy if you wrote back.

1- If you could create a new flavor of ice cream for Ben & Jerry's, what would it be called and what would be in it?

2- If there was going to be a movie about your life, who would you want to play you?
3- If you could be interviewed by one person, who would it be? Or if you have been interviewed who was your favorite reporter.
4 - If Martha Stewart was asked to decorate your cell, what scented air fragrance would you want her to use?
5 - If you could play one song over your jails sound system, which one would it be?
6 - Who do you think should be elected president?
7 - Do you have any questions for me?
Thank you and I hope you write back.
From,
Jimmy Mauro

Deep stuff. In hind sight maybe writing like I'm 7 wasn't the wisest choice but who cares they're in jail! They all got the same letter but for a few I had to slightly modify their letters, like John Hinckley Jr. He's in a mental hospital so I had to avoid things like calling it a jail (even if they give my letter to him). Also at the end of Wesley Snipes' I put a peace offering by saying "I love White Men Can't Jump". The Phelps of Westboro Baptist Cult Church I made a set of unique questions: Again, typos totally intentional and not because I can't spell.

Dear Fred and Shirley Phelps,
My name is Jimmy. I have a few questions I would like to ask you and I hope you write back.

1 - There are a lot of people you don't like. Is there a well known person who you really like and this is obeying the word of God?

2 - You're not a fan of the way America is run so who do you think should be elected president so they can steer the country in the right direction?

3 - What's your favorite bible passage?

4 - Like the story of Noah's Ark and how God flooded the earth in order to kill all the impure beings, do you think God should have another act like that or can people be taught his proper teachings?

5 - If you could create a new flavor of ice cream for Ben & Jerry's, what would it be called and what would be in it?

Thank you and I hope you write back.


These questions, in the most modest way I can put it, are damn good cause you know their answers are gonna be insane. I have a good feeling they'll write back but hopefully it won't be there generic "God is great and you're a dirty fag loving sinner" stuff they tell everyone.

Obviously most of them won't write back, but I'll be happy if I can get a small handful I'll be happy. I've also been getting a few requests from my co-workers of people they want to hear from, so I'll send out more letters in the coming days. Once or twice a week I'll check my PO Box and once I get that first letter I'll start humming that music that plays when Charlie finds the golden ticket and run all the way home...then get a cramp cause I'm out of shape...then run some more...then throw up...then slumps to the subway sipping Sprite....then slump home....still humming the Wonka music. Fun times.